I love (love, LOVE, LOVE!) fluffy things. I’m writing this post dressed in my fluffy pyjamas, wrapped in my uber fluffy dressing gown, my fluffy booties right beside my bed – hey, don’t judge, it’s a bank holiday Monday AND I’m not feeling well! These are perfectly good reason for staying in bed the whole day!
But when it comes to fluff there’s something more important to talk about. It’s time you’ve met The Owls.
The Owls are
my toys my constant companions and partners in crime. They’re a gang of 3 actual owls and one koala, who has been appointed an honorary Owl. They’re crowding around the laptop right now, trying to see what I’m writing about them. I better watch out, one wrong word and there’ll be hell to pay.
Let’s start with the oldest. This is Arthur.
He is by far the gentlest of The Owls. He’s part-Polish (since I made him), part-American (the wool he’s made of came from USA) and part-Canadian (that’s where he’s been conceived). He’s extremely neurotic, a bit depressive, and scared of just about everything but especially squirrels. I think all of the above is my fault, I made him when I was in a bad head space and I suspect that, together with the synthetic stuffing, I might have filled him with some of my own anxieties. He’s an enormous Doctor Who fan, which is not surprising as he’s knitted from the wool I mostly used to make a ginormous 4th Doctor’s scarf. He alone among The Owls does not care about football, I’m not sure what’s up with that. He can’t fly very well, the legs keep getting in his way, but he’s a very charming dancer. He loves to read, enjoys farming simulators and classical music.
He’s tremendously insecure and worries about everything incessantly. Yup, just looked to the side, he’s already trembling in distress, thinking that I don’t like him as much as the other Owls… The fact is (but shush, don’t tell the others) in most respects he’s my favourite.
Next we have Owlrelia, she’s Arthur’s natural younger sister, crocheted from some of the same wool. Needless to say she’s also a huge Doctor Who fan. Although now that I think about it, all The Owls are.
She’s the independent one. Frankly, I don’t have such a great contact with her just now, she’s in that teenage phase where she’s not inclined to hang out with her family at all. She keeps disappearing off on adventures. She’s a bit of an emo Owl, but without getting too morose about it. She, like me, is a Liverpool fan. Her ambition in life is to rule the Universe. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did in time. She’s a go-getter that one.
This brings me neatly to my next Owl. If Owlrelia ever does get to rule the world, her biggest problem will be how to deal with Owlivia, who will undoubtedly by then become the super-villain she’s always scheming to be. Despite the migrating brain (I’ll explain in a moment).
Where do I even start with Owlivia… She came to me from Ireland but keeps quiet on the subject of her origin story. I suspect she’s been made in a laboratory by some mad scientist. It would explain a lot… She’s hyperactive, extremely possessive, violent and just a touch unhinged. She has learnt to accept the other Owls, but any new addition to the household, especially owl shaped, sends her into fits of uncontrollable rage. She’s attacked: my owl-shaped earrings when I was wearing them, the owl on my pyjamas, the owl pictures she sees on the internet, the owl ring I have (and yes, in case you haven’t figured it out by now, I have a thing for owls) and just about everything else. The only exemption is the owl nightlight. She worships it fervently.
She is constantly scheming. Her biggest issue is that she’s not very good at that due to her brain relocating to her butt, I constantly need to manually put it back into place (thankfully, otherwise I would most likely already be dead. She reluctantly accepts my alpha status but every so often she tries to take over).
She’s a big Leicester fan. Understandably so, she only started watching football a couple of years ago, and that was the fairy-tale season when out of nowhere Leicester won the league. She got so drunk that day… She loves Tarantino movies and generally anything oozing with violence – TV shows, movies, games. After watching The Wire, she got all The Owls working for her slinging drugs. That was pretty harmless, she forgot to supply the drugs, so the scheme fell through quickly. It’s worse when she watches Game of Thrones, there is very present threat of murder in the air then. Luckily she’s easily distracted, so mostly we all escape unscathed.
She loves to read too, and she reads very quickly, perpetually harassing me to turn the page already. But as she has a very short attention span, she usually forgets what she’s read by the time that happens.
She is extremely protective of Arthur though. I think she has a bit of a thing for him, surprisingly enough. Maybe it’s the colourful plumage that’s drawing her in? Or perhaps it’s that old thing of opposites attracting. Either way, they’re hanging out together a lot, which is good, Arthur has a calming effect on her. She is a bit of a pervert though, so I worry about her corrupting his innocence…
And finally we have Chris, the koala who became The Owl. Of all of them, he’s probably the most normal. No discernible neurosis, psychosis, or any other -osis. I mean… Perhaps certain issues with species-identification. I’m fairly certain he thinks he can fly. And initially some body-image problems. He does have an enormous butt, it’s glorious in its fluffiness though and with time, seeing it deeply appreciated by everyone around, Chris has learnt to cherish it himself.
Chris is Australian, as you would expect. Not just in the sense that his a koala-Owl, but he was actually brought to me from there. He’s pretty chill and level-headed, and brings much needed stability to the whole gang. He does get into occasional fights with Owlivia (absolutely all provoked by her, she has butt envy) but overall they’re very good friends when she isn’t trying to murder him. It helps that Chris has no ambitions about being a leader. He likes his role as the fluffy muscle of this particular outfit and is on for any adventure anyone suggests. It makes him sound like a perpetual side-kick, which isn’t totally accurate or fair, he has plenty going for himself. But he is still, at least partially, a koala bear, so his energy levels are quite low, and he prefers participating to coming up with the plans himself.
He also loves to twerk. And with a bum like that, you can hardly blame him.
Oh, and he’s the biggest Liverpool fan of all of them.
So there you go, this is a brief introduction to The Owls. You’ll absolutely hear about them again as my life is largely spent trying to navigate their clashing personalities. They are a handful sometimes, I admit, but we have lots of fun as well. And if they are to take over the Universe, I better be there to make sure they run it well.